5 do-able ways to decrease your daily anxiety.
So, it’s 2021 – at the end of the day, it’s no longer 2020 so everything should be better, right? Unfortunately, no. All of our same problems, concerns, stressors, and worries followed us right into this new year. You are not alone if you are feeling anxious and unable to control your worries. While it is nice to know what you are feeling is normal, what can we do to reduce these feelings?! Normal or not, they are not pleasant! Here are five things you can actively do to reduce feelings of anxiousness.
1. Put your thoughts on trial.
One of the biggest anxiety triggers we have are our negative thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. “I am stupid”, “I am going to fail”, “nobody likes me”. These are all automatic thoughts that our anxiety throws out to make sure we keep feeling anxious. These are called automatic negative thoughts – they are just that, automatic. These thoughts have no basis in reality or fact. When one of these thoughts pops up, acknowledge that it was an automatic thought and that it simply is not true. Think of this exercise as putting your thoughts on trial – providing evidence against the claims that our anxiety is sending our way. This is something easier said than done, but it will get easier over time. I often suggest to clients to brainstorm your most common negative thoughts and pre-plan how you can remind yourself that they are not true. Physically write a list out, either on a piece of paper, in your phone’s notes app, on your hand if you have to! Help your future anxious self out, and do the work ahead of time. Let us work through an example. “I am stupid” – this thought comes flying into my brain out of nowhere. I stop as soon as I realize it and tell myself “that is an automatic negative thought. How do I know that I am not stupid?” (and because I made my list ahead of time I am ready to go). I tell myself I know I am not stupid because I am able to support and care for myself, I am able to successfully hold down a job where I perform well, and I have a number of skills that took learning and practicing to master that I continue to do well every day. Ideally your “evidence” would be more personalized and specific, but I wanted to keep the example general for most people. Initially, you may need to read this list to yourself several times a day when having the thought “I am stupid”, but eventually it will get easier. Just keep working on it.
2. Write it out.
One of the most frustrating things about anxiety is that it can seem inescapable. Something that can help what feels like an endless loop of anxiety is to get it out. Journal. Write down how you are feeling. There are a couple of different approaches to journaling (actually there are probably a hundred ways to journal, but for our purposes we will stick with “a couple”) and every way is great. The point of journaling is to feel better, lighter, freer, calmer, more in control after you are done. So how do we journal, what do we do? Start with getting your materials. You can journal the old school way with pen and paper, you can type your journal, you can take a walk on the beach and write it in the sand if you feel like it. The objective is to get your feelings out! Once you have your materials, what do you write? Some people connect strongly with free-form journaling – literally write whatever comes to mind. Often with this form of journaling you will start on one subject and lead yourself down a couple different discovery paths. This is completely fine, there are no expectations for the outcome of journaling. Some people do not connect well with having to come up with their journaling ideas on their own, especially if they are feeling anxious with 103 thoughts rolling around in their mind. An easy way to get around this difficulty is to use a journal prompt. I have lists available for my clients that I will give them if they are needing inspiration, so I recommend checking with your therapist to see if they have anything similar. If you are still stuck, head right on over to Pinterest. They have a TON of prompt ideas. You can search just for a general “journal prompts” or get more specific, search for “journal prompts” + anxiety, depression, self-development, self-esteem, grief, any topic or issue you are dealing with. I often recommend that you work closely with a mental health professional if you feel the urge to delve really deep into any issue as this can often be difficult to process on your own. Journaling is great because it can be done anywhere and anytime. Got 5 minutes – journal, got an hour – journal. Relaxing before bed – journal, sitting on the couch – journal. Give it a try and see how it feels.
3. Stay out of the “what if” rabbit holes.
Another big contributor to our anxiety is falling down “what if” rabbit holes. A what if rabbit hole is when one thought leads to another leads to another and so on. An example would be “I did so terrible on that presentation at work. What if everybody realized how bad I did? What if my boss thinks I did a bad job? What if I get fired? What if I can’t afford my rent/mortgage? What if I end up losing my home?” … and so on. Sometimes when we are feeling our anxiety so hard, we panic with feelings of being out of control. To calm this anxiety, we attempt to think about and plan all possible contingencies. The first realization we need to make is that we cannot do that. We don’t know the future, we don’t know what will happen. The most beneficial thing we can do is not “what if”-ing ourselves all day. Our energy is best spent accepting the reality in which we find ourselves. In the long run stopping ourselves from going down that rabbit hole is in our best interest. As soon as you notice yourself going down that rabbit hole, stop! Immediately tell yourself that going down this “what if” rabbit hole is not going to be helpful and stop those thoughts. Distract yourself if you have to (more on that coming up), just stop those thoughts. While stopping the thoughts might feel really uncomfortable and unpleasant, learning to sit with that discomfort that comes immediately after stopping will be easier than the increased and more impactful anxiety that comes from continuing down that rabbit hole.
4. Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness has been a trending hashtag lately, but what is it and why should you do it? Mindfulness is one of the most powerful tools against our anxiety and one of the easiest things to integrate into our lives. It can be free, quick, and accessible. However, sometimes when we think of mindfulness we think of meditation, yoga, or other activities that take time to learn and develop. While meditation and yoga are both amazingly mindful exercises, they are in no way the only option for mindfulness. What else can you do to be more mindful? What does “being mindful” even mean? Being mindful is being more aware or more in-the-moment throughout daily life. This helps us feel more centered and can help stop and lessen the impact of our anxieties. There are almost an infinite number of ways we can be more mindful throughout our day, mindfulness is widely customizable to what feels good for you. Again, reach out to our favorite site, Pinterest, and see what you can find that feels right for increasing mindfulness. I also recommend the book Beginning Mindfulness by Andrew Weiss for a good foundation on mindfulness. And of course, seek professional help. A therapist is a great way to help you brainstorm WHERE you can integrate mindfulness and HOW you can be more mindful.
5. Distract yourself.
If all else fails, and you cannot stop your anxiety, distract yourself. Stop your thoughts in its tracks with a simple inner voice saying “no!” and go do something else. Wash the dishes, read a page of a book (out loud if that is helpful), watch some videos online, clean out your junk drawer – anything to get your mind off your anxiety. The worst thing we can do for ourselves and our anxiety is let our anxious thoughts spiral. While distraction should never be your “go-to” solution, and should only be used when all else fails, it can help us to stop our anxiety from reaching extreme levels. If you find yourself relying on “distract yourself” regularly, I really urge you to reach out for help. Distracting yourself is only serving to mask the problem, whatever is causing our anxiety can continue to grow even if we are ignoring it. Eventually, even “distract yourself” can become ineffective. Reach out to a therapist before that can happen and allow somebody to help you find more effective ways of coping.
Lately, having anxiety has seemed to become a way of life, but it really does not need to be that way. At the end of the day, I cannot recommend reaching out to a therapist more. Anxiety has a way of making us feel powerless and stigmatized, but know you are not alone, you can feel better, and there is help out there for you.
Reach out today. I wish you all the best!
Elise
